Interpreting the vibe: dance and movement therapy for couples

Feeling connection

Have you lost your vibe? Feeling like you don’t understand each other and you are not connecting the way you would like?

If your relationship seems stuck, flat or explosive when it used to be fun and loving it might be time to ask for help.

Taking the time to sit and talk through events, issues and emotions is a great way to strengthen and maintain a healthy balanced relationship. But if you start to feel like you are running out of words and not properly understanding each other it might be worth trying a different tac. Creative arts open a pathway for communication in a non-confrontational way.

Dancing in harmony

We can dance together, taking it in turns to lead or moving in synchronisation. Moving together promotes unity. It can be a fun and joyful activity, helping to reduce stress and bring a sense of playfulness into the relationship. We can make a sequence together, working as a team. Perhaps we'll find moves that require physical support building trust and mutual dependence.

Dancing to tell your story

Some emotions are hard to verbalise. Moving through them and showing your partner how you feel can be less confrontational than trying to find the words. There are plenty of movement metaphors that we can use - walking on eggshells, swimming upstream, banging a brick wall, keeping too many plates spinning - that can really get to the crux of the conflict in a noncombative manner.

Dancing to understand and be understood

We can also manifest the conflicts, issues and emotions that are derailing the relationship and work with them. Processing the unpleasant sensations and understanding where our partner is at. Seeing and feeling how emotions manifest in your partner's body gives a deeper understanding of where they are at.

We dance/movement therapists call this kinesthetic empathy

Try it - mirror someone else's way of standing to share news or of walking into a room ready to confront someone. How this feels on you is likely how the person feels:

e.g. Alf stands quietly and motionless. His focus is down, shoulders slumped. He is breathing shallowly.

In this position I feel like I am trying not to take up too much space. I am not ready to talk out loud right now... will I be heard? Do I want to be heard? To be honest I'd rather walk away from this moment.

e.g. Sara walks in with large purposeful strides. Her head is up, and she is breathing deeply. Her hands are tensed and her mouth is pursed.

I feel like a coiled spring walking this way. It's quite exhausting. I want to stop and shake the tension out.

Watching someone interpret your movement gives a different perspective on how you communicate nonverbally: "I didn't realise I did that".

There is always time for therapeutic reflection in a dance /movement therapy session. Couples can reflect on their dance experiences, discussing how the movements made them feel and what they learned about each other. This reflection can lead to greater insights and understanding. You may prefer to bring this to your traditional couples' counsellor.

Whether it's a romantic partnership or another relationship you would like to strengthen (family members or friends), dance and movement therapy can help couples consider their relationship from a different perspective.

Further reading on dance therapy for couples:

Castro Jaramillo, C. M., & Panhofer, H. (2021). Dance movement therapy techniques to promote kinaesthetic empathy for couples: ‘I have to dance seriously with you.’ Body, Movement and Dance in Psychotherapy, 17(3), 218–234. https://doi.org/10.1080/17432979.2021.1982770 

Cunningham, J. (2014). Potential benefits of dance movement psychotherapy with couples experiencing infertility. Body, Movement and Dance in Psychotherapy, 9(4), 237–252. https://doi.org/10.1080/17432979.2014.946969 

Eckhaus, R. (2024). Relationships in Motion: Exploring Partner Dancing as an Embodied Psychotherapeutic Approach for Couples Therapy. Am J Dance Ther. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10465-024-09409-9 

Engelhard, Einat. (2019). Dance movement psychotherapy for couples (DMP-C): systematic treatment guidelines based on a wide-ranging study. Body, Movement and Dance in Psychotherapy. 14. 1-14. https://doi.org/10.1080/17432979.2019.1653373

Lacson, F. C. (2019). Embodied attunement: a dance/movement therapy approach to working with couples. Body, Movement and Dance in Psychotherapy, 15(1), 4–19. https://doi.org/10.1080/17432979.2019.1699859

Why Dancing Leads to Bonding | Scientific American